In just about a month or two, she had become an integral part of my life. She had influenced my life immensely. I was becoming the best of myself. The relationship that we shared was very very special to me. I shared my frustration, my feelings and my secrets. We were best friends. Friends who liked each other. But we did all those things that a deeply-in-love couple would do. We shared food, searched for a deserted, quite place to talk, spent hours on late night calls. But it didn't last long. Never did I thought that it all would end so easily. All that I had done, the better man I had become, wouldn't matter to her. Maybe it was my fault, maybe it was her.
7th March 2012 :
Three days back. I was talking to Keya on Facebook chat. Out of no-where tagged a page on my timeline saying "HI". I replied her with another tagged page and it went on for an hour or so. Today, Arpita checked out my profile and saw the whole silly conversation with Keya. She interpreted that I was flirting with her, which she didn't like. She texted me, saying that I was never going to change. I called her up. She didn't pick up. I replied her, explaining that it was nothing like that. Me and Keya had become very good close friends (Just Friends). She didn't reply back. I waited. No reply for a good 3-4 hours. I called her up again. She didn't pick up. I kept calling again and again until she finally answered, the 61st time.
"What happened, babu ?" I asked. My voice filled with love.
"I don't want to talk." she was pissed off.
"Arre, I am not lying, I was not flirting with her. I swear" I justified my self.
"You are never going to change. Maybe, you were just pretending all this time." She was getting rude now.
"Babu, I swear on my Mumma. I was not flirting with her. This is just the way we are. And if I wanted to flirt,
why would I do it so publicly (on my timeline), I could do it more privately (In my chat box)."
"Maybe, you do that as well. God knows."
"Acha, you can check out my chat history. You have my password." I said as calm as I could be.
"I don't want to. And you can do anything you like. Not that I am your girl-friend. And as such, we're never getting into a relationship. So you're free to do whatever you want." Her cold words, hurt me like hell.
"Why are you saying all this?" My voice now shaky and eyes wet.
"I don't want to talk. Please don't call me from now." She said getting frustrated.
"So this is it? You are going to end it all, on basis of a silly Facebook post. That undermines everything we have gone through? Everything we have shared? Everything I have done? All of that, Gone? Just like that?" A tear rolled down my eye.
"You don't have to make me count, what all you have done or not. But it doesn't matter anyways. You don't have to do anything for me. As I said, nothing is ever going to happen between us." She sounded stubborn.
"I am sorry if you felt that I was flirting. But I had no intentions like that." I still begged for one last chance. I just couldn't imagine my life without her. I loved her, more than anything in my life. She was my life. I didn't wanted to lose her.
"I don't care. Can I please put my phone down?" It seemed like she wasn't saying all this out of anger. It seemed she really didn't care.
"Appy, you don't care if I am in your life or not?" I asked (still being calm).
"No."
"You don't?" I was taken aback. Stunned.
"No, I don't. Now I don't want to talk to you. I am putting the phone down." Her every word pierced like a dart in my heart.
"No listen to me first. You know what? After all that I did for you, you don't care if I am there in your life or not? I haven't smoked or touched alcohol since the day I promised you. I stopped flirting. Hell, I even stopped talking to most of my female friends to avoid the confusion. Just a silly wall-post and you want to end it all? Then, I guess you don't deserve me. You don't deserve a guy like me." I was frustrated. I was angry. I just couldn't take any more of her hurtful words.
"I never knew, you could also say all those words." She seemed calm now. I guess my words hurt her as well.
"Yeah. I still love you. But when you say all that you just said. It hurts me as well." I said as I cut the phone.
As I pressed the red button on the right hand side of my cellphone, I fell on the sofa. Held my head with my hands, covering my face. All my anger was changed into grief. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out. All those special moments spent with her, especially the day spent with her just seven days back, flashed right in front of my eyes. Her face, the twitches it made, the three dimples on her face, her cute-childlike smile, especially the warmth of her hug. I wept like a baby.
That was the day everything ended. The love of my life, the girl I loved more than my life went away from me. We met once though, some days later. Just for an hour. She was smiling. I brought her chocolates. A snicker and a dairy-milk, her poison. But, she spent 15 minutes on call with some other guy. It made clear to me, that she had moved on. I still asked her to come back. She refused. Everything came crumbling down. I was crushed. That was the last time I ever heard her voice or I saw her face.
I came home. Washed my face. Sat down at my study table. Opened my drawer. Took out my diary. I jot down the following words - "This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."
Seven months hence. I am completely over her. It was hard, but I managed somehow. But today I've got a little confession to make to all of you. I some where knew that she wanted to leave me, and I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little.
7th March 2012 :
Three days back. I was talking to Keya on Facebook chat. Out of no-where tagged a page on my timeline saying "HI". I replied her with another tagged page and it went on for an hour or so. Today, Arpita checked out my profile and saw the whole silly conversation with Keya. She interpreted that I was flirting with her, which she didn't like. She texted me, saying that I was never going to change. I called her up. She didn't pick up. I replied her, explaining that it was nothing like that. Me and Keya had become very good close friends (Just Friends). She didn't reply back. I waited. No reply for a good 3-4 hours. I called her up again. She didn't pick up. I kept calling again and again until she finally answered, the 61st time.
"What happened, babu ?" I asked. My voice filled with love.
"I don't want to talk." she was pissed off.
"Arre, I am not lying, I was not flirting with her. I swear" I justified my self.
"You are never going to change. Maybe, you were just pretending all this time." She was getting rude now.
"Babu, I swear on my Mumma. I was not flirting with her. This is just the way we are. And if I wanted to flirt,
why would I do it so publicly (on my timeline), I could do it more privately (In my chat box)."
"Maybe, you do that as well. God knows."
"Acha, you can check out my chat history. You have my password." I said as calm as I could be.
"I don't want to. And you can do anything you like. Not that I am your girl-friend. And as such, we're never getting into a relationship. So you're free to do whatever you want." Her cold words, hurt me like hell.
"Why are you saying all this?" My voice now shaky and eyes wet.
"I don't want to talk. Please don't call me from now." She said getting frustrated.
"So this is it? You are going to end it all, on basis of a silly Facebook post. That undermines everything we have gone through? Everything we have shared? Everything I have done? All of that, Gone? Just like that?" A tear rolled down my eye.
"You don't have to make me count, what all you have done or not. But it doesn't matter anyways. You don't have to do anything for me. As I said, nothing is ever going to happen between us." She sounded stubborn.
"I am sorry if you felt that I was flirting. But I had no intentions like that." I still begged for one last chance. I just couldn't imagine my life without her. I loved her, more than anything in my life. She was my life. I didn't wanted to lose her.
"I don't care. Can I please put my phone down?" It seemed like she wasn't saying all this out of anger. It seemed she really didn't care.
"Appy, you don't care if I am in your life or not?" I asked (still being calm).
"No."
"You don't?" I was taken aback. Stunned.
"No, I don't. Now I don't want to talk to you. I am putting the phone down." Her every word pierced like a dart in my heart.
"No listen to me first. You know what? After all that I did for you, you don't care if I am there in your life or not? I haven't smoked or touched alcohol since the day I promised you. I stopped flirting. Hell, I even stopped talking to most of my female friends to avoid the confusion. Just a silly wall-post and you want to end it all? Then, I guess you don't deserve me. You don't deserve a guy like me." I was frustrated. I was angry. I just couldn't take any more of her hurtful words.
"I never knew, you could also say all those words." She seemed calm now. I guess my words hurt her as well.
"Yeah. I still love you. But when you say all that you just said. It hurts me as well." I said as I cut the phone.
As I pressed the red button on the right hand side of my cellphone, I fell on the sofa. Held my head with my hands, covering my face. All my anger was changed into grief. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out. All those special moments spent with her, especially the day spent with her just seven days back, flashed right in front of my eyes. Her face, the twitches it made, the three dimples on her face, her cute-childlike smile, especially the warmth of her hug. I wept like a baby.
That was the day everything ended. The love of my life, the girl I loved more than my life went away from me. We met once though, some days later. Just for an hour. She was smiling. I brought her chocolates. A snicker and a dairy-milk, her poison. But, she spent 15 minutes on call with some other guy. It made clear to me, that she had moved on. I still asked her to come back. She refused. Everything came crumbling down. I was crushed. That was the last time I ever heard her voice or I saw her face.
I came home. Washed my face. Sat down at my study table. Opened my drawer. Took out my diary. I jot down the following words - "This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."
Seven months hence. I am completely over her. It was hard, but I managed somehow. But today I've got a little confession to make to all of you. I some where knew that she wanted to leave me, and I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little.
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